I received a shocking news from my younger sister about a friend of mine back in my primary school. Her tweet read: ‘ur ex-schoolmate has already become a mother...(my friend’s name) dh dpt baby girl (just gave birth to a baby gir)...hehe!!!’. As shock as I was with the news, I was more surprised that I was somewhat jealous of the happy news.
Back in my primary school days where I was pretty known for being relatively clever, some competitions stood out among the entire year to give me a run for my money (or rather, my parents’) and she was one of them. In fact, for a small school in a small village on the outskirt of Kajang, our two families were like, secretly, having this silent competition of outdoing each other. Both families had several children in the school at varying years (my older brother, sister, I are a year apart while my younger sister are two years younger than me and my friend has two brothers, one the same age as my brother and another a year younger than her). The obvious battles were between my friend and I and our brothers because we were in the same years. All four of us were chosen to be prefects as well. Back then, being chosen to be a school prefect and being on top of the class (or the year even) were like the one ambition every kiasu parent had for their children. Despite our parents’ kiasu-ness, we all maintained a very amicable friendship with each other because the 90s wasn’t the decade for back-stabbing and high-school dramas.
By the time primary school came to an end, my friend got 5As in UPSR and went off to a well-known boarding school in Alor Setar while I, with only 4As and a B (in English), settled for a daily school in a nearby town. One would say I lost my battle of the war because both our brothers got 5As and went off to good boarding schools themselves.
After that, I picked up my pieces of shattered ego to rise out of the ashes, as a phoenix would do, (that explains my moniker) to be where I am now and in the long journey, my friend and I were rarely in contact with each other. When I was home for summer 2009, we got back in touch for a sombre reason but we still managed to ask about each other’s lives. When my family and relative knew of my encounter with her, they quickly asked what she was studying then. She was then studying Psychology at a local college. In their eyes and in their less-than-subtle snide remarks, I could sense that they were still comparing us and were happy to gloat over the fact that I am doing Medicine in the UK. To them, the idea of a once-clever daughter of a pilot studying at a college that didn’t receive university status was like a fall from grace. Adults do stop growing up at some point and tend to revert back to being childish. Only God knows when our society will stop viewing those who are not doing Medicine or not studying overseas as less than successful or promising.
Yes, I admit that I did feel a lil’ victorious of my achievement but I’ve experienced enough to know that degree and pedigree were not an indication of personal happiness. While I couldn’t account for my friend’s happiness, I could safely say that if she was satisfied and happy with the state she was in at that moment, then no one should assume anything about her. No one exists to live up to others’ expectation.
After my holiday end, I went back to the UK and life went on as usual like any other students. For me, at least, because the next time I heard about her was of her marriage to a person I know from my primary school days. The man happened to be a year older than us and he was in my sister’s class. That generated a lot of sensationalisation from both my sisters because, ladies being ladies, they just can’t wrap their head around the idea of both falling in love and marrying each other. I’d admit I was surprise of both the marriage and my friend’s choice of husband because if his personality back in his younger days was of any indication, the two weren’t really a perfect match.
I, however, chose not to share my sisters’ sentiment. People grow up and change over time and a ‘perfect couple’, according to Desperate Housewives, only exists on the top of a wedding cake. Having said that, I was only surprised because I didn’t think she would get married that early. Among my primary circle friends, she was the last I would imagine to settle down for I always saw her as a go-getter who would some day bring some good changes to the country. Then again, I chose not to assume because who said she was settling down and who says women married at a young age can’t bring good changes to the country?
Again, I rarely stay in touch with her and I don’t use Facebook to such extent for such purposes so I really don’t know what’s happening in her life. And the only reason I was jealous of her having a baby because somehow I see having a baby as a joyous thing that I couldn’t get where I’m standing now. Not that I want to lie on a bed with my legs spread as women in white scream ‘push push’ again and again. At a superficial basis (because I really don’t know what’s happening in her life for real), I’m just jealous at the fact that she has completed her study and that she has found the person she views as worthy of being the father of her child. In a sense, she has finished a chapter of his life, the student chapter, to move on to become a grown woman and a mother and I somehow think that it a joy in itself; the chance to build a family. Not that I want to get married and have a baby now.
Yes, I’m doing a degree at a place that would make most people dropped their jaws when told and I’d graduate with a career that promises respect and good money and somehow people think that should make me happy. Not that I’m not happy. I enjoy every bit of my student life but I do feel jealous of my friends who have already graduated, got a job, got married and have families of their own and I’m jealous at the fact that their happiness is not based on the prospect of their careers but that it comes from the satisfaction of enjoying what they’re doing and living with and caring for their loved ones. Happiness should never be about the monetary gains one could get from one’s career.
In the competition between me and my friend, one would say that my friend has lost because she now has a child and whatever she’s planning to do has to be limited in accordance to the welfare of both the child and the family. One would also say that I’m winning because I’m doing this degree that promises me a good career with a high-paying salary and that, if I were to play my cards right, I would in the future be able to bring some good changes to the country, the world even, because I have yet to settle down to become a family man. I hope those people were wrong.
I know my friend still has the chance, and I’m sure she desires it much, to bring good things to both the country and the world. Just because she now has a baby that doesn’t mean she can’t continue with her career. There’s no reason for her to not be able to touch and influence the lives of others the way I still have the chance to do. I’m pretty sure she would be a good mother and that she would raise the lil’ girl to the best of her ability, passing on her wise words and graceful charm, so that when she grows up, she would be a good citizen of the country in which stereotypes and racism and discrimination and intolerance will have no room to grow and that would be my friend’s greatest contribution.
As for me, I’ll just go back to my revision while hoping that both my older brother and sister would get married soon so that I could have some little nieces and nephews for me to splurge my suppossedly high future salary on!
0 comments:
Post a Comment